The Smallest Oceans Still Make Big, Big Waves

Coakland Blaze
Oct 12, 2016
2 min read

Mariners Go From First Pick to First Champs

DENVER – Homefield advantage, usually it’s something that is worked hard for throughout the year, to be in front of your home fans when the second season comes around. Unfortunately no one told the AL. Specifically, the Mariner’s own division, as the team with the second best record (16-4) in all of Professional Fantasy Baseball had to take their show on the road to the Mile High City. With the second best home win percentage in the NL, the Colorado Rockies were no lightweights themselves having just completed a 15-5 season overall.

It made no difference, the espresso shots kicked in and Seattle didn’t leave until they claimed the inaugural PFBL World Series trophy by a final of 355.25-301.75. Seattle came out firing when it mattered most, posting 350+ points in both the American League Championship Series and World Series. “We showed up when it mattered most”, said World Series MVP Jean Segura, who finished the series with a .455 batting average to go with 5 home runs and 8 runs batted in.

“Unbelievable, just unbelievable”, an understandably hammered Owner/GM Mike Duncan added. “I barely made it on time for the first pick and now look at me, fuckin’ champs baby.” When asked how he’d celebrate, 2B Daniel Murphy just laughed and said “I’m so sore I don’t think I can move, but this blow ought to do the trick…”

The Chronicle reached out for comment from Rockies Owner/GM Sam Jordt but the call was not returned, just a faint “fuck off” could be heard through sobbing.

With the first year in the books the entire league now looks to the first off-season, which experts are predicting could have a lot of names changing places. “I’ll do anything for a prospect”, one anonymous AL GM mentioned. After a long, lanky year the month down time is well deserved, but as the book closes on one season the future has never looked brighter. Well, except for the AL West minus the champs…

2017 Professional Fantasy Baseball League Draft Order

1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (B. Jordt)

2. Oakland Athletics (S. Quarnstrom)

3. Pittsburgh Pirates (K. Kinyon)

4. San Diego Padres (D. Handley)

5. Washington Nationals (K. Jakowitsch)

6. Baltimore Orioles (J. Thomas)

7. Boston Red Sox (E. Nunez)

8. Minnesota Twins (J. Toppel)

9. San Francisco Giants (S. Mcginn)

10. Chicago White Sox (K. Dillon, R. Dillon)

11. Los Angeles Dodgers (J. Olbrich)